A Blog About Life… Isn't That Unusual?

About three weeks ago, I went back home and asked a former teacher to write out a short list of things I could write about… A few suggestions caught my eye; this is one of them: What things in life sustain you emotionally?

To put it shortly: Myself. I am the only one I can look to for emotional support.

In a longer sense: Myself. Isn’t that all we have? That saying, “You are the one who chooses your mood,” is saying that you need to have independence in every situation. You can’t look to friends, family, or conditions to be happy, and enjoy life. You only have yourself. When you put your whole emotional system into someone, or something else’s hands, you are improving your odds of being let down constantly by… well, a LOT. Finding that out, and figuring out a self-reliance system is essential to surviving at a happier baseline.

Maybe it’s the way I grew up, or what all has happened to be growing up. In every situation, it seems as though the only thing that was going for me was me. Admittedly, friends and family were there to offer some more support, but they could also be an opposing force if they chose to be. In many cases, they did, and still are.

Somewhere along the line, I created my support system. And although I don’t know how I made it, or what it consists of, I believe it works well. When I’m upset, it doesn’t take long to regain composure. I push emotions back, while still acknowledging they exist, and work on them internally. During that time, I try to do as many things that make me as happy as possible. I play video games, watch TV, eat, etc. Again, I’m doing these tasks happily, but I am also thinking about why I’m upset. I’m always processing everything around me. I always am looking for answers to everything. This includes my problems.

To keep my problems from cluttering, manifesting, and spreading to others around me, it is very important to isolate the situation. When I’m mad about something, I be sure that my reasons are justifiable, and that I am only upset about that thing. When I am upset with someone, I make sure I have the right person to be upset with; I make sure I didn’t do anything to onset this, and I make sure that I don’t be upset with anyone else BUT the one I’m upset with. It is top priority to not take my frustrations out on those who don’t deserve it. Granted, my mood will be different, and they will more thank likely think it’s them, but I’m quick to tell them what I’m upset about, and explain that it’s not them. Most people are understanding of this.

So when it comes down to being sustained emotionally, it’s all about self-control. Having power of your thoughts, actions, and reactions is key to keeping a constant happy. And while over the years, I’ve failed at this, I fully believe that I now have the power to be happy at a consistent rate. I control my own emotions at whatever time, and even when it’s all bearing down on me, I keep them in check, and be sure to handle them respectfully, and not lose functionality in day-to-day tasks.

Another thing that people ask me is, “How long should I wait after a relationship before I get into another?”

Variables play a HUGE roll in this, guys. This question simply cannot be answered with a “formula.” (You know, that formula… x = past relationship duration / 2 or whatever the fuck…) The best way to answer this question in by meeting criteria. And for that criteria, I have this:

• Quit being butt-hurt¹
• Quit longing for the past relationship and understand that no other one will ever be like the past again.
• Be able to be with someone, and not think about the other – RESTRAIN FROM COMPARING.²
• Be realistic³

¹- You know, whether you did the breaking up, or they did. If that relationship meant a damn thing, it hurts it’s over. There is a “calming,” period that should be mandatory for everyone. This is the time where you may want to just cry, be alone, or be with others if that’s your thing… During this time you are free to have irrational thoughts, but be sure to not act on them. That’s typically unhealthy.

²- When you’re with whoever you might consider dating, you need to realize that they are an individual. Comparing this person to the past is unfair, in both good and bad ways. That thought, “Oh, well my LAST girl never did this…” or, “Well shit, I never had this fight with ____” Is unnecessary. As well as comparing any two people.

The only exception to this rule is sex. Chances are, the first person you ever had it with will pop into your head. As frowned upon that is, it’s normal. So are any other past partners. Basically, try to keep this to a minimum, and DONT SAY THE WRONG NAME. (Haha, see? I can be funny too.)

³- I just want to amend on to this. Don’t trick yourself. Don’t fake emotions. Don’t say, “I’m over that,” if you’re really not. That’ll only confuse the hell out of the other person, and possibly yourself. Those people who’re always in and out of relationships are the ones who can’t seem to abide by this rule.

The other half of this IS time-based. I don’t care how short or long your past relationship was, or how fast you can get over things; take some damn time off. You can tie this is with the first rule: that “calming,” time is a gateway to a successful relationship in the future.

I just had to get these thoughts out. I figure maybe if I write about it I’ll actually remember this when people ask me. If anyone has any other criteria, please comment. I’ll sort out the good and bad ones, and probably update this post.

Lately, a lot of people have been asking me, “If I could take anything in life back, what would if be? and why?”

Typically, when asked this, I used to just give some BS answer about one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made. But this time I actually thought about it, and this is my new response:

I wouldn’t take anything back – nothing. What ever mistakes I’ve made, people I’ve hurt, tragedies I’ve witnessed, and whatever else negative happened… has ultimately made me me. After some strong consideration, I’ve concluded that it sucks being me, but I like who I am in total, and I’d rather not be anyone else.  So in order to successfully answer the question (being, there HAS to be SOMETHING to take back), I’d have to regret something positive; which is completely screwed up to do. Erase good memories? Who’d do that – I wont.

The final option: Take back something neutral or insignificant. I could regret running outside with no shoes on once, but that’s not, “good enough,” for people. I could regret not going to eat with my family, and missing some conversation or something. That’s also not very cool though. Hell, I could even regret not faking sick more often; but school was probably more important.

My point is: Regret is, to me, becoming more and more pointless. I understand pain, both emotionally and physically, and I’ve experienced both extensively. When it comes down to it though, that pain, that anger, that fear; all those experiences are what has molded ME. My imperfect past has only influenced me in a positive manner, and it’d be foolish of me to regret being a better person, right? Therefore, I’ll take nothing back, and continue my existence being more capable than I’d ever be if I had taken any other option.