Martin Gugino

A 75 year old man is pushed by two riot officers. Perhaps being in the ranges of 20 to 35, I don’t know. I didn’t check. I just noticed that the man was only wearing a light sweater and pants, versus the officers in riot gear. The officers looked to be decked out in gear that only America’s healthcare employees could wish for, as they’re the ones fighting the world wide pandemic.

The man was shoved unexpectedly. It may not have been a shove, even, so much as a push to just make the man begin walking backwards. This is not what happened. The man, who was holding nothing but a cell phone and a riot officers helmet, lost his balance after being pushed. He stumbled one or two steps, then fell. His lower back hits the pavement first, causing his upper body to accelerate faster towards the ground, and his head similar to a whips tail, hits solid concrete.

The officers continue marching forward, but only for a second or two, before the one that the man had approached notices blood streaming out of the old mans ears. He has a very panicked reaction, but only for a split second as his squad instructs him to continue moving forward towards the protesters. The remaining officers take notice, having very little reaction; an immediate “bystander effect” onsets.

This man is regarded as being in a “serious, but stable condition,” a few days later. Which means nothing more than he’s alive, and not getting worse. There is no indications as to whether his condition is expected to improve over time. He could be in a coma, relying on life support, as far as the hospitals announcement goes.

Four days after the video was released to public, the president tweets, verbatim:

Buffalo protester shoved by Police could be an ANTIFA provocateur. 75 year old Martin Gugino was pushed away after appearing to scan police communications in order to black out the equipment. @OANN I watched, he fell harder than was pushed. Was aiming scanner. Could be a set up?


This is where I am going to stop this style of writing, as this lays out the mindset that I am in. I’m upset – obviously, I’m enraged, sad, shocked, and confused.

The police commissioner states almost immediately that officers were, “Simply following orders.” This is an issue, if that defense holds up worth a flipping fuck. Has no one ever heard of THE MILGRAM OBEDIENCE STUDY. (If you don’t feel like watching the full documentary, find a summarized version, or educate yourself, you simplistic small-minded fucks.)

The fact that officer had ANY reaction is a sign that there is a human inside that suit of armor. That HUMAN reaction is what this world needs more of. He realized they fucked up as soon as he realized there was blood on his hands. I guess good thing there’s so much camaraderie in the police force. Cause the 57 other police officers resign in solidarity after the two officers were charged with 2nd degree assault. They also only resigned from the tactical response unit, after their union said they wouldn’t cover any costs of legal fees for officers involved in bad behavior in response to the protests.

Our president, who we are supposed to rely on for appropriate action during times of chaos and crisis, decided his best response was to send a character limited tweet, as to not waste too much time on the subject.

Our president decided to tweet bullshit campaign propaganda about a man who MAY HAVE PERMANENT, SEVERE BRAIN DAMAGE, to help him win an election.

OANN is a small news company, established 6 years ago, in 2013, and is known for being far right. It’s twitter follower-base stacks a measly 850K when compared to other news outlets. (Fox news, established 23 years ago / 29M followers) (CNN 40 : 48.5M) (Wall Street Journal 130 : 17.8M.

This is who the president has to tweet to in order to try to look legitimate? I understand how he thinks the rest of the media is “fake news” and whatnot, but this would be best compared to being in a relationship and everyone telling you to get out of it, right? Maybe, if the majority of people, with a third person perspective, are weighing in with negative thoughts, you might be in a unhealthy relationship.

He is blind to how bad of a position he is in, and where he is taking this country, and this world along with it.

Going back to the incident. That man is 75 years old, our president is 73. Do you think he could be pushed by two officers and hold himself up well enough to keep from hitting his head? When you are 75, do you believe you will have the reaction time to save yourself?

Do you believe that this was set up? Would you risk your life just to get this moment on camera? Would you allow your friends or family to risk their lives to capture tragedies on camera? I am so very and seriously confused with how people can believe this borderline North Korean-type propaganda and fucking run with it. I am sick of dealing with mountains of idiots with no original opinions or thoughts on what’s going on around them – yet I am called a sheep.

If Martin Gugino dies, or even has life-altering effects, he was nothing more than a martyr, and I feel awful for him and his family and his friends.

Fuck this world.

“The Human Emotion / The Question”

What is it that causes destruction, tragedy, and pain?
It is not logic, nor self-preservation, but something much stronger.

The human emotion is a very dangerous thing.

It cannot be controlled
It cannot be contained
It is the single, most important X-Factor for the human race.
It is a powerful force with the ability to leave a lasting effect…

Humans are much like cancer cells
Continually feeding, breeding, and growing
Entirely unaware that this action will eventually lead to their own destruction.
For this behavior eventually kills the host in which they inhabit, and in turn causes their own elimination.
In the end the fundamental difference between development and destruction is: A question

Can change occur?
What is needed for change?

A catalyst, an ignition source.
And where does this come from?
Only an ignition source of great magnitude can begin to change its course.
A source of purity and a undeniable desire to alter the path.
A source found only deep within human emotion.
The very place that the human particle annihilation began.
It is only here that they may face the machine.
The true test of change lies within a challenge of strength between the human emotion and the machine.
So exists the question
Can change occur?

Protests

I have been meaning to have input on COVID-19, but this year seems to be getting too shitty too fast, so I’m guessing I won’t have time to sit down and go over everything concerning that. Instead, since general public health safety is no longer relevant, let’s focus on what is: These protests.

First and foremost, I want to be clear on where I stand on this. Something has to be done with police brutality in general, and especially when it’s concerning a minority person(s). It’s a known fact that if people are given a position of power they will use it and abuse it. There is systemic racism integrated into our social justice platform, and we are in desperate need to change and eliminate that. There is no doubt in my mind about it.

So, in order to lay out my thoughts properly, I feel it’s important to define both a protest and a riot:

Protest

An organized public demonstration expressing strong objection to an official policy or course of action.

Riot

A violent disturbance of the peace by a crowd.

A protest is not inherently violent, and a riot is not inherently a protest. Riots have been ignited by sports games going the way a city wanted it to go, they’ve also started by sports games going the way a city didn’t want it to. Riots happen because there is a crowd of people, and a few of those people become violent and derail the rest of the crowd.

Protests happen because there is enough people in agreement that something is wrong. Whether it’s a system, policy, whatever. If there are enough like minded people saying that there is something wrong, protests can happen. Generally protests don’t happen until these injustices have gone on for longer than they should have. Especially in this particular circumstance, these protests are people who feel like there’s nothing else they can do in order to correct issue at hand.

So, riots are not protests. Protests are not riots. Think of them as adversaries, as they truly are in this case. People are supportive of the protest, and lash back at the riots. I’m also in this group. Rioting will not rectify anything, you are just burning your own cities down.

The problem is that there are people aware of this fact, and use it to sabotage the protesters. Take a look at what’s happened in these cities. Many of the people inciting riots and helping burn cities down are not from those cities. There’s evidence that it’s white supremacists, members of the Ku Klux Klan, hell, even police that are actively working to sabotage what starts and could very well stay a peaceful protest.

There is a proverb that comes from farmers, “One bad apple can spoil the bunch.” While that phrase can be taken literally, it’s more popular use is exactly what’s happening in this case. A few people becoming violent in a crowd can easily entice the rest of the crowd into becoming violent. There are people that are coordinating the inciting of riots at these protests, and they are doing it surgically, efficiently, and effectively. It is the perfect counter to a protest — which is what people resort to as their last effort for change.

If people’s last efforts to push for change are so easily countered by a few well placed people trying to start a riot, then this isn’t something that can be easily changed on a systemic level… This is something that needs to change on a human scale. Humans need to learn to not be racist, we need to learn to not abuse power, and treat humans truly equally.

We have beating around the bush on equality for generations. Let’s start at the slave trade. There were people who knew it wasn’t right, and they got together and protested. What does society do? Got rid of the slave trade, but keep the segregation and unequal human rights. Well, that wasn’t good enough, so again people got together and protested for equality and to put an end to segregation and they got it – almost. On paper, everything says that all people are equal, but whatever social fabric that we have still holds onto our past generations racism, and that is the fundamental problem. If we still have subconscious bias against colored people, there is no attainable resolve to these atrocities, and we will continue on with this mistreatment, and they will continue on, rightfully, protesting. Bringing me back to the point that if a protest can be negated easily and efficiently by inciting riots, protests are no longer a measure that can be taken to achieve a very much needed social goal. And. That. Is. Fucked.

So let’s talk about subconscious bias, as that seems to be the foundation for allowing these murders to take place. I would be a liar if I said I didn’t have any subconscious bias against other people. There is something in me that does fear colored people more than other people. There is also this feeling when I’ve interacted with police. It -feels- like a natural gut feeling sort of guard comes up, and I will become more cognizant of my surroundings. I don’t understand why it happens, but I absolutely hate it. It’s happening on a level that I cannot control, and I do my best to mitigate it. The fact that I can recognize that I’m having irrational reactions to another human is the first step to resolving my bias.

If you cannot identify this bias, but still have the same sort of guard around certain people, you should take a deep look at yourself and try to rationalize that feeling. If it’s not a race thing, please let me know what your thoughts are.
If you do not feel this bias, and react the same around everyone regardless of race, I need to congratulate you. You are the people that need to teach the others such as myself on how to be a better person.

This is the last point I want to make as well, as it also plays into casual racism and whatnot: Stereotypes.

In my history I have stereotyped people, I have laughed at stereotypes, and even laughed at racist jokes. I would like to think that the comedic side of those jokes takes precedence over the underlying racism and hatred… Sadly, my opinion is changing the more I see how bad our culture really is towards minorities. I love all forms of comedy, but it is exactly these stereotypes and racist jokes that are easily impregnated into the minds of others, especially children, and further the development of casual and formal racism.

Behind closed doors, people talk about how they truly feel, good or bad. Being behind closed doors with other people is a great social experience, because you get to know someone better than you previously did. Behind closed doors is where people act comfortable with one another, and bonding can take place. This is also where you can bond over acceptance and love, or hatred and racism. In my life, I’m seeing a lot more bonding over what people dislike a hell of a lot more than what they do like. Perhaps this says something about the people I grew up with, the people I’ve formed friendships with, and the people that I’ve dedicated my time and interests to.

I want to be clear here again. I support the protests and what they are attempting to achieve. I don’t believe those protesters are the ones forming riots. There are bad people seeded into the protests to incite riots, and protesters are caught up in the chaos and cave into it.
I also am not a role model human being, I have my subconscious biases, but I am working to eliminate them. I would like to pledge to not take part in forms of stereotyping, or racist jokes. I am not a trend setting person like a few of my friends are, but I would like to try and be one for this cause.

I also believe this is a change that needs to happen on a completely different level than a national reform of any kind. This is changing how humans have thought and learned from each other for generations. This is a huge cultural shift that needs to take place universally. My hopes are high, but my expectation is that we will fail repeatedly in this endeavor. I just hope we still have a functioning society in the end.

P.S.: Cause you gotta have a post script…
If you read this, and thought it was an interesting take, I have another building block to add. A few years ago, when we were upset about boarder patrol separating families who entered the country illegally, I also appended my thoughts on how it gets so bad in such a hurry. I blame it on the speed that we are able to send and receive data. If you’re interested in reading it, it’s here.

Berried Alive – Fool’s Gold

It seems I’ve been here once before
Toxic wasteland
I watch as hours sink into the sand
Drowning in my mistakes
I know that it’s too late

Your one and only mission
The pursuit of prosthetic progress
You made your own decision
To forever dwell in excess


And with all your self affliction
The result that you’ll soon find
Your one and only mission
Was just to run out of time

Look at you now
Your time has melted away
Look at the price that you’re paying
Chasing the fools gold
Yeah

Hopeless you fall to your knees
Begging your soul not to leave
How could you point any blame
You chased your own life away

Tired and sore
Life full of regret and pain
Look at the price that your paying
Chasing the fools gold
Yeah

Look at you now
Your time has melted away
Look at the price that you’re paying
Chasing the fools gold
Yeah

Facebook and Disinformation

As the political ads are going to start ramping up exponentially from here out, I believe this to be pretty important to share.

Don’t believe every ad you see on Facebook. Facebook seems to have chosen to be the center of political disinformation, and will shortly become an even worse cesspool of debate. I can only imagine that you’ll start to see these ads shared to other social media platforms.

Sharing an ad from Facebook to another platform (other than being obnoxious) disguises the ad as a post, and makes it appear as though it’s your opinion. If you share misinformation across platforms, you are nothing more than a disease or virus infecting other social media spaces that have announced they will work to lessen the amount of misinformation.

I agree with what most will say: Do your own research when looking at political campaigns, because it is an extremely toxic environment. Don’t be a person who forms opinions based off of reading headlines. Please, don’t be shallow of knowledge in a subject you intend to speak up about.

I don’t really care much for politics, to be honest, but I do care about people being manipulated. For the most part, all I see from almost every political campaign is social manipulation, and it truly sours my livelihood.

I do not care about your political affiliation, you will have your opinions and I will have mine, that’s how this democracy is supposed to work. We work together to find terms we can agree on, it’s not the best, and it can’t be perfect, but it’s better than living in a dystopia.

Work Experience: Toner

Starting off with the first in the series, and probably the more unique and interesting: I worked in a toner manufacturing facility. I started out in the production department, where toner is actually created, and then worked in the warehouse, where it’s stored and moved to packaging, loaded in trailers and shipped out around the world.

Maufacturing

Starting this position, I knew very little about toner. I knew it was a particle that could be electrically attracted to a drum inside a printer. I knew this information because of my college schooling for being a system administrator, and computer technician.

So, not knowing much, and learning how it was actually created was fascinating, because not many people know the process or what kind of expenses are put into creating this stuff. It’s outrageously expensive for a reason.

Raw Materials

It all starts with what actually IS toner on a material base. Well, it’s mostly just plastic resin and a few other ingredients that make it give the resin a positive charge. While, I can’t tell you the exactly materials used, or what quantities, I can say that there was a precise recipe that needed to be followed in order to ensure the materials didn’t interact with each other and mess up the consistency of the mixture.

Yes, we mixed all of these materials in giant batches. We used industrial mixers that could hold a decent bit of weight, and could mix at RPMs up to 900. We made toner in batches, making the process more repetitive, but also, if in the event of a mishap, the loss of money put into Raw Materials wasn’t as large.

After all of these materials were mixed in this specific order and everything was within specification, we then moved the materials in large bins known as totes in the industry. In order to move these materials from one step to the next, we used fork trucks (or reach trucks depending on who you talk to ), and pneumatic controlled tote tilts.

More Mixing

Currently, the material looks like pretty fine gravel, with many sparkly RMs (Raw Materials) showing through. We need to get this mixture to a more consistent, and finer particle. Those two things are done in two separate processes, first, let’s get this mixture more consistent. For this, we used giant kneaders. We would feed the material in, mixing it with the kneaders, while heating it up into a goopy paste, and extrude onto a press roller. The press roller would lay the material flat onto a conveyor belt, which was cooled so the material could be broken back into “gravel”. The cooling belt dropped the material into a series of hammer mills and screens, pulverizing the plastics until they could fall through a screen which lead to a pipe that would pneumatically convey the materials into a hopper.

The finer side of things

Getting this rough gravel like material into a fine powder is no easy task. This is where the machinery used get even more ridiculous. One of these grinders we use would costs between $750,000 and $1,500,000.

This isn’t a conventional grinder that you’re probably thinking of, this is an air mill grinder. It uses compressed air to pick up and smash this gravel plastic into each other, and take it away.

Once the material is small enough to be pulled up by a precise vacuum we keep within the grinder, the material would come to a spinning wheel with a bunch of slots in it. Depending on the speed of the wheel spinning and the size of the slots on the wheel, we could control the size of the powder going through the grinder and onto the next process.

You see, the wheel would “catch and fling” any larger pieces and they would fall back down to be ground again, and repeat this process until it was small enough to slide through the slots on the spinning wheel. There are specific sizes of powder that we would have to maintain.

But we’re not done with the step, yet. After being ground down to a powder, we had to go through a process called “classifying”, where we would remove the outliers of the first grinding step. The classifying process worked in a similar way, using a vacuum force to keep material moving, while spinning wheels separated what could stay of what material needed to get recycled/thrown away.

Two wheels aligned with each other would spin very quickly, but at a different rate of speed to allow either too large or too small particles to go and be recycled, while the material that did not get pushed through the slots on the two wheels would travel through another air conveyor, or tote, and be moved onto the next process.

Please note: I am leaving out a mammoth amount of information here for confidentiality purposes, as well as a small lack on knowledge of how these things actually worked. I am no engineer after all.

So, after both grinding and classifying the material, we had to keep a spec of particle diameter, as well as how much of the material in under a certain diameter. If the powder would be too fine, the final print out of the printer would get dirty, as the powder would stick to the drum over time. Same vice-versa.

What’s this? More mixing?

Oh, yeah. We have some more mixing to do. Here, the ground and classified material would be put into batches again, and more RMs would be added and mixed together. We have to add these RMs into the mixture for a few reasons:

  • These RMs would interfere with the RMs added at the start of the process
  • These RMs give the toner it’s final clean, shiny look on paper
  • These RMs keep the powder from clumping together and making a mess inside the printer. Toner flows very similar to water, if you’ve ever held a cup of it.

Again, this process is done in batches to eliminate any whoopsies, contaminating the still viable toner, as well as not require ludicrous sized machinery, as what we are using was large enough as is.

We also put the RMs in in a certain order to avoid having the RMs interact with each other in an unintended way, just as we did in the beginning. This mixer, once completed with the batches, releases the toner into the totes to allow for the next, and final manufacturing process.

Screening

I’m not talking about any tests, although we do that too. Nah, what I’m talking about here is a really cool sifter of sorts. Material would come out of the tote, and into a table feeder, where it would then slowly be placed onto a screener, and fall through back into the finished product tote.

This screener vibrates very very fast. Fast enough that the first time I looked at these things, I was having a really hard time trying to read the labels on them as well as even identifying the actual shape of them. The screener’s screen within it also vibrated, using a transducer to make the metal screen dance.

We screen the toner to remove excess RMs that were done in the previous mixing process, as well as remove any foreign particles that could have been added into the toner mixture between kneading and screening. As it turns out, toner production can cause a lot of metal to corrode or break apart in some of these processes.

We would test the product in this stage three times: at start, middle, and end of a tote. Verifying that all material though the process was within spec. After all of these processes, you have toner. This toner has yet to be put into the plastic cartridge that gets boxed and shipped to retailers.

Lets talk about some issues

If you have any knowledge of working with grains, sugars, powders, or basically any milled product, you will know one of the largest, and most scary things that a toner manufacturer faces: dust explosions.

Keeping everything clean is huge priority in both safety, and non-contamination. We moved toner using totes, which have gaskets and some small protections for keeping the dust from escaping.

The biggest hurdle of making sure we never had any dust explosions was keeping everything grounded, This was crucial. All bins, totes, conveyors, augers, any all machinery was to be grounded at all times. Even the containers that collected the run-off from the screener were grounded, simply because there was still dust from it.

Now, working in a factory such as this, accidents do happen. Sometimes a tote leaked, and you’d have a toner streak along the floor. We’d vacuum it up and use a floor scrubber to get any of the excess that we missed with the vacuum.

Other times, a larger issue would occur. Say someone forgot to close a port on a mixer, or forgot properly place a tote under a piece of machinery. This would mean there would be a large amount of toner floating around in the air, dusting every surface imaginable, as well just hanging in the air for a long time. This would happen from time to time.

Procedure when something such of that would occur was to:

  1. If you aren’t wearing one already (it wasn’t mandatory except for certain steps) put your respirator on.
  2. Notify anyone in the area a spill has occurred
  3. Leave the area
  4. Segregate the area from any spreading (there were large doors we could close to keep toner contained to one room)
  5. Wait for dust to settle (this could take up to 30 minutes depending on severity of the spill)
  6. Clean using the proper methods. (I.E. Vacuums, Mops, Scrubbers.)

Toner manufacturing is an incredible process, and I am happy to have been a part of figuring out how it all works. Of course, this is the mechanical way to product toner. There are also ways to do the same thing using chemicals, and large bathes, but that was not the process of this plant.

Why so $$$$?

Why is toner expensive? If case you haven’t been paying attention, this is a lot of machinery that I’ve been talking about: Kneaders, press rollers, conveyors, hammermills, baghouses, grinders, classifiers, blows, augers, scales, mixers, screeners, screens. Compressed air is one of the main tools we used at the plant, and we used a LOT of it. The compressors used in the plant were sometimes as large as a bedroom, and there were multiple.

The other large expense to the plant was electricity, because you have to power all of that machinery. There was once a trail that we were running on getting a new line set up to make toner. We had to test the grinder, and make sure it was running the way it was intended. Because of the contract that we agreed on with the electric company, starting that grinder for 15 MINUTES, costed us an extra $20,000 to $50,000 that month. I know that is a large range between there, but I don’t really remember the exact number. I know that the typical electric bill for the plant was around $100,000 a month.

In order to keep up with a specific ISO safety stander that we wanted, we once has to spend $2,500,000 on some safety valves. So if that doesn’t put into perceptive why toner isn’t cheap, I don’t know what will. The stuff costs so much for a reason. You are paying back for the amount of machinery used, power consumed, as well as QC to ensure you are receiving the same results time after time.

I’m going to end this post here, partially because I know this post is already an unorganized mess, and there are many more things I could talk about. But I also want to hear from you. Do you have any questions about toner productions? Obviously, I am willing to talk about some things, but I cannot release many other things, as there are trade secrets that I do not intend of giving away. While I haven’t agreed to any non-disclosures with that position, I do want to respect the company I worked for, and keep it as much of a secret from the strangers of the internet as possible.

So, what are your questions? Are there details that I need to explain further about these processes? What do you want to know about? If you comment, I will compile a list of the questions and answer them the best I can.

Two more cents

I will gladly admit that it has been one hell of a past few weeks for America as a country. We’ve had three (we have had more, but these three are the most covered) mass shootings: Gilroy Garlic Festical, El Passo Walmart, and Dayton Downtown.

At the risk of sounding like an asshole, which I do not mean to, I want to put my opinions in on these matters. You should know that my opinion is mine, and while you may disagree, you cannot deny my opinion. I can respect what you believe, and I only expect you to do the same. There is no argument to be made here.

Firstly, these mass shootings simply shouldn’t have happened, can we all agree on that? No one is happy about a bunch of people getting massacred. If you do find it funny, or courageous what these shooters did, I ask you to kindly and quietly to leave here.

On the subject of Trump

I have no problem admitting that I do have a problem with Trump. I don’t believe he is the President that America needs at this time, but he’s what we’ve got until election time. I can deal with that, as long as I don’t see the man become power-hungry, and start wars in order to get elected for a second term. Do I believe he can be held responsible for these shootings? Hell no. At least, mostly no. If these young, impressionable minds found something Trump had said to be a nod in acceptance of going out and shooting people on a massive scale, you might be right. But, did Trump actually mean go out and commit murder? Of course not! Trump may be an idiot, but I don’t think he would be dumb enough to persuade American citizens to start killing others– citizens or not. I believe Trump is trying to do right by the country, but is far too inexperienced to be in a position of his power.

On the subject of racism

Does racism play a part in these shootings? Yeah, to some degree. Racists exist, and they, for intents and purposes, have always existed. Do I push direct blame on racism for these shootings? Again, no. While it may have played a role, it certainly was not the sole reason behind the shootings. This country has once legally allowed racism, slavery, and segregation, and back then we still weren’t producing these mass shootings. It doesn’t take a scientist to come to the conclusion that racism isn’t the only issue here, and in some shootings, not the issue at all.

On the subject of mental health

This one is tough, knowing my history of struggles with mental health (still ongoing, but better, yay).

Does mental health play a role is these mass murders? Ab-so-lutely. If you possess the ability to plan, prepare, and carry out an attack on a scale such as what happened at these three locations, you are mentally fucked. There’s no doubt about that. To throw away any what ever self preservation you have left in order to commit murder on this kind of level, you need help.

As always, this is not the sole excuse for a shooting. To be honest, there will never be just some simple explanation for someone carrying out an attack like this. As far as mental health goes, these people are not weak-minded. It takes a lot of mental ability to keep your mind calm while going through the processes of planning and committing to these attacks. The mental deficiency is one that lacks very basic and common empathy. These people do not care about others, they hate and kill with little to no bias. These people are angry, hurt, or upset to the point of exploding in this violent manner. To spot these individuals should be relatively easy, there are reports of red flags on all of these occurrences.

So, yes. Mental health plays a significant part in every event like this. Where my issue is, is how to go about investigating these red flags. I’m sure that if every red flag would be looked into, we would see that there is a heavily unbalanced ratio of real to not real signs of impending violence. You see, it’s human nature to imagine and think about horrible things, because it acts as a sanity check for ourselves. When you cross the line into actually believing it’s okay to act on those thoughts is where the issue lies. The problem with that, is only the person who is thinking and assessing themselves really knows when they’ve crossed that line. Others can speculate, but they’ll never really know. I only wish that mental help was more accessible and affordable for everyone, as I do believe that would help decrease the amount of violence on this scale.

On the subject of firearms

Are firearms to blame for mass shootings? Is that a question?

No, seriously, did you just read that paradox and think nothing of it? If so, please read the next sentence very slowly: Firearms are an essential tool in mass shootings.

I own multiple firearms. I enjoy shooting my firearms. I think that firearms are fascinating, truly. I do not want to give up my firearms because I am a responsible owner, who knows gun safety in both storage and shooting. It would suck to have to give all of our guns up because a certain percentage of people lack this same knowledge. I understand there would be outrage if it came down to that, and I agree, I would be upset. But, if I have to give my weapons up to prevent these atrocities, then I fucking will. Because that is what is right. It’s how discipline works in humans, if you can’t all share and get along, none of you get the [BLANK]. Remember your childhood? (Sorry all of you single children, maybe you remember daycare?)

If you have experienced that discipline before, you also have seen what happens further down the road… You might actually get the thing back, under certain terms. So, this means if we gave up our guns right now to immediately remedy the rampant gun violence we have, then we can work to create a better solution on how to handle gun ownership in America and begin reintroducing them back into society. I understand this is an extreme method of going about this, but I do believe we are nearing this point in our nation.

I understand that there will still need to people who require firearms, such as police, military, and others, and I know that firearms will still be accessible in those means. That means that gun violent will still occur, and possibly on a large scale yet, but the frequency of these attacks should drop dramatically.

Let’s think about this from a different perspective. Hypothetically, lets say all of America’s gun are replaced with grenades. What is the likely hood that grenade related massacres occur? I’d say very likely. Now, how much of a push for removing grenades from the hands of citizens do you think would appear? I would say about a shit load. This hypothetical is extreme, but the theory behind it is solid. People would want the grenades gone, because there’s nothing more scary than someone having the ability to throw a “rock” into a crowd and murder a bunch of people indiscriminately. Guns are able to do the same thing, they just require a human companion to achieve this. Why not just get rid of them for a while?

Well, really, this all comes down to politics and money. The guns stay because the NRA, and the huge piles of cash that flows in favor for the availability, accessibility , and persistence of firearms. Politicians can be bought, as studies have proven, and it sucks. People can be persuaded and dissuaded into something with just simple cash, albeit usually a large sum. Politicians should not be consumerism for governing a country, cause that’s how you get America, and inherit it’s problems. Politicians should be politicians because they can stand on moral principles and full-heatedly believe what they believe. If people agree with them, that’s how they should win elections, not through money, or really any tangible thing. They should only use their wisdom, beliefs, and the trust built over years of experience with people.

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Sorry, I wen’t off on a small tangent there at the end. I just had to add a few extra thoughts on guns because it’s probably the most controversial of all of these topics.

I’d also like to put in a few more words about mental health that didn’t really have a place up there. Specifically, my own mental health.

I am good, so don’t worry about me, but I wanted to let you know where I’ve been mentally. In no particular way, I was abused as a child, and it caused be a lot of stress, depression, frustration, and anxiety about many things, and for a very long part of my life. I also was unable to develop a solid coping mechanism for a very long time, and still have plenty of work to do.

So, at a younger age, when I was hurting and had no one to tell, talk to, or any other form of venting, I wrote in a notebook. I still own this notebook, and really don’t like reading through it, because it brings the hurt child in me back to the foreground. In this notebook is mainly a bunch of comics. I drew short cartoons, many of them included awful things, like racism, sex, and violence. There are some seriously awful things in that notebook. I don’t want to even tell the world this, it’s so bad. If someone saw that notebook today, I’m sure I would be setting off a shit-load of red flags, and I honestly couldn’t blame whoever found them for telling me to get help, or thinking of me very differently. But, I was young, and it was the only thing that seemed to help me at the time.

So, yeah, I have in my possession, something that if I were ever to commit a violent crime on a large scale, that would be pretty damning to my personal image. I do not intend on ever harming anyone in any manner, but I also am not going to try and judge anyone on some of the content that they may have created while in a dark place in their life. Chances are, that content was the only thing that was keeping them from committing these crimes earlier on. Maybe it also manifests into what causes a mass shooting, I do not know.

To end this, I just want to reiterate, if you disagree with my opinions, I don’t need to hear any arguments against me, unless done so in a positive, and constructive way, as that is how we would solve this whole issue to begin with. If you can agree to those terms, I will be happy to have a real meaningful discussion about this. If you can’t have an opinion and respect mine, I will simply ignore you, because I understand that you will not even attempt to have a civil, useful, maybe even helpful, and positive discussion.

Also, if you’ve actually read all of this, I feel the need to applaud you and thank you for taking the time to read it all.

One laaaast thing! On the subject of video games
Video games don’t make people violent. Get the fuck outta here with that shit.

Work experience: The past few years

Over the last six years, basically as I began my decrease in writing these blog posts, I have has some fascinating job experiences. Although I do not wish to disclose exactly what these places are that I’ve been working at, I will talk about each one of them.

In no particular order, over these last couple years I’ve worked in:

  • Manufacturing
  • Retail
  • Food Service
  • Telecommunications Engineering
  • Logistics
  • Customer Support

Overall, I’ve loved all but one of these positions, and I’ve only moved onto the next one because life changes, or certain situations arise at these jobs that I saw potential for some very negative changes.

Today, I’m not going to talk about any position in particular. I just wanted to give a small list of these positions, and revisit them when I feel like there is a good reason to talk about each one. Perhaps if something in my day happens to make me remember one of the things I’ve learned from a previous or current position.

I’ll be writing about these experiences soon…

We are in the future

Can we just agree on this?

We are living in the future I could have imagined as a child. Sure, we don’t have flying cars and haven’t colonized mars, or met aliens, or really have a set basis for space travel.

But you know what do have? Vehicles that are not humanly operated, virtual reality, 3D printing, small form jet packs, and plenty of other futuristic inventions. Quite honestly, I fully believe we are living in -the- future. Although it’s not quite the Jetsons lifestyle, we are certainly far more advanced that I could have imagined as a child.

Think about being born in the 30’s. The dust bowl, the depression, if you will. Think about what kind of childhood you would have had growing up at that time? Toys were still metal and wood; computers weren’t a thing until 1936, at least, not the way we see them today. Technology has advanced in one “life span” from a computer with very limited computing power, which took up the size of a room, into everyone is carrying something thousands of times over the speed and power in their pocket.

People born in the 30s have seen some of the most significant and amazing advances (arguably) that humans have ever really made. If you grew up in the dust bowl and depression era, you couldn’t imagine in 2019 the kind of crazy things we have now. If that isn’t the future for you, I don’t think we’ll ever achieve your futuristic vision.

Growing up in the 90’s myself, the things I thought were amazing technology in my childhood are: Cybiko, Nintendo Entertainment System, Digital cameras, Rechargable batteries, and real personal computers. Sure, some form of those things probably existed for years before I was introduced to them. However, once a technology makes its way to a general population, I believe that makes it a bigger advancement than something that is unfathomably expensive and hard to reproduce. It means that it’s a technology that has been refined enough to make it cheap enough to get into consumers had. It has matured to a level that the public can tangibly and mentally grasp.

Honestly, I may have been gifted as a child, as I was introduced to computers and video games and tech in general, probably earlier than most children. I was playing NES at 4 or 5, my brother and I were given a PC around the age of 6-8, and my parents did a very good job making sure that we were on the “bleeding edge” of many new emerging technologies.

Still, in my life time, looking back to what kind of power computers and cell phones (bag phone) had at the time, compared to now. This is the future, and if you don’t see it, you are overestimating what the future actually is.

Jason Isbell – If We Were Vampires

It’s not the long, flowing dress that you’re in
Or the light coming off of your skin
The fragile heart you protected for so long
Or the mercy in your sense of right and wrong
It’s not your hands searching slow in the dark
Or your nails leaving love’s watermark
It’s not the way you talk me off the roof
Your questions like directions to the truth

It’s knowing that this can’t go on forever
Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone
Maybe we’ll get forty years together
But one day I’ll be gone
Or one day you’ll be gone

If we were vampires and death was a joke
We’d go out on the sidewalk and smoke
And laugh at all the lovers and their plans
I wouldn’t feel the need to hold your hand
Maybe time running out is a gift
I’ll work hard ’til the end of my shift
And give you every second I can find
And hope it isn’t me who’s left behind

It’s knowing that this can’t go on forever
Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone
Maybe we’ll get forty years together
But one day I’ll be gone
Or one day you’ll be gone

It’s knowing that this can’t go on forever
Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone
Maybe we’ll get forty years together
But one day I’ll be gone
One day you’ll be gone

Songwriters: Michael Jason Isbell

If We Were Vampires lyrics © Downtown Music Publishing

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