I hate to sound like a sixteen year old girl, but this probably will come out like that, sadly.

I haven’t seen my friends in three weeks.

I’ve barely talked to my friends in three weeks. When I did talk to them, which if I can recall correctly, was only twice, it was, “Hey, can you fix my computer?” and, “You should build me a computer, just send me a part list and get it shipped to you, and drop it off after you build it.”

Fuck me. Is that all I’m really useful for? Is that the only reason I’m kept as a friend? I’m a utility that they use. I don’t feel like I’m invited to any gatherings, which I do have reasons to believe have occurred in the last three weeks. I’m not wanted around, unless they want something from me, and I fucking hate it.

I also hate asking to hang out, because no only likes to come over to my house; probably since I’ve got a child, so I understand that I suppose. So asking to hang out is like, “Hey man, did you forget about me? I want to hang out, can I come over?” and I look like a loser who has to invite himself to shit in order to get an invite. Pitiful.

 

So… This comes out because today was a real downer. It’s a Saturday night, where most people should be down to do something, right? I woke up this morning and started working on my car, got the oil and a misfiring spark plug changed. I ate some food at my parents, and the discussion of an ongoing bedroom renovation was brought up. My father had asked if I wanted help laying out the new flooring we got about a month ago. While that was not necessarily what I wanted to do with my day, hey, I didn’t have any other real plans, so why not? I accepted the help and we got to it. It took from 1:30 to 9:30. A full work day of putting down flooring (we did get it all done, yay). It felt great to have it done, and still with enough time to go out and have some drinks or something with friends. I had gotten an invite (surprised me, really) to go over to a friends place, and I texted him saying I’d be on my way after a shower. He replied that no one else had wanted to do anything so he was just going to watch something and go to bed. Still, I wanted to do something, so I texted someone and asked if they wanted to do anything. Half an hour goes by before I got a response, which was a no as well. I texted a third friend, who called me back immediately and said he would hang out – he would text me when he was heading to the rendezvous location. Instead, after a few minutes he texted that he was going home.

Stupid me thought that meant that he was going to have people over instead of going out. I was wrong. I left my house and texted him that I was on my way, and got the response of, “Going to bed”. Damn.

 

I am a massive introvert, and rarely feel the urge, or gain the courage to ask people to hang out, so this was tough to get shot down the ways I did tonight. Perhaps everyone is busy or really doesn’t want to do anything, and my timing is just really that shitty. It’s possible. At the same time, that first person I texted is sitting down and playing Pokemon, cause that’s what they said they were doing, and going to do. I get the game just came out and stuff, but really? “No, I’d rather play this new game than hang out with you” kinda hurts (That’s not a real quote, just how I interpret it).

I just want a friend. I want someone that I can hang out with, even if all we do is watch youtube, or you play your new video game and I just watch, even if we get together to watch a movie or something. I just felt like today was productive enough, and a good enough day to maybe end it with seeing some friends I haven’t seen in some time. I guess I don’t deserve that gratification in my life. Not blaming my friends, like I said, I understand people sometimes just don’t wanna do anything. My luck is just garbage, and it makes me feel like a useless, boring, tool for people.

 

P.S.:
Also, yes, I have a wife, and I could just hang out with her, but she went to bed at the end of my waiting around for people to respond to me. Maybe that’s what I should have done, since it was a waste of time thinking I was going to see any one.