I’ve been going through a little rough time recently, but I don’t have time to explain that all, instead, I just want to write this down and see if anyone can relate.

I have always felt like I have something great to offer the world. I am smart, understanding, caring, and almost everything you would look for in a person. Although I’ll admit to some downfalls, absolutely.

But you know what really kills me? The fact that I’ve never felt needed. I’ve never felt like anyone has needed me, or wanted me entirely, for that matter. I feel like the person who is just kinda there when no one else is. I’ve always been the 2nd, or last option. Whether it’s my friends, my relatives, my family. It’s just always how I’ve felt.

Is this just an internal misconception? Or is this just… A normal human being feeling? How many people out there feel like this, too. How does one come with feeling like this?

 

Postscript:

I feel like this post requires some sort of follow-up. What feeling I attempted to convey was. I want to -feel- accepted into other people lives, not just tolerated. I want to feel like I add something to a group activity, or into my interpersonal relationships. Currently, I feel like I may have lost that somewhere along the way, and that’s an awful feeling. I used to be a person that people could go to for issues, and advice. That hasn’t happened for years, and chances are that is generally my fault, but I also feel like there may have been some amount of betrayal along the way. Perhaps I’m just paranoid, I don’t know. It’s like I’ve lost my mind.

 

There’s a strange collision of jealousy and lack of social skills taking place within me, and it’s pulling me apart.