{"id":651,"date":"2018-05-30T21:58:32","date_gmt":"2018-05-31T02:58:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bloggersden.org\/blogs\/nick\/?p=651"},"modified":"2018-05-30T21:58:32","modified_gmt":"2018-05-31T02:58:32","slug":"life-status","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bloggersden.org\/blogs\/nick\/?p=651","title":{"rendered":"Life status"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Working a job that is boring me to death, with people who don&#8217;t like me<\/li>\n<li>Not making enough money for the things that I want (and even some things I need)<\/li>\n<li>Constantly tired from some malnourishment I can&#8217;t seem to correct<\/li>\n<li>Ongoing paranoia and irrational thoughts about friends and family<\/li>\n<li>Waking up every morning with the same crap mood that I&#8217;ve had for weeks<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I went through some old letters and things this last week&#8230; Back when I had created my own friend base, and it felt like people actually wanted anything to do with me. I read a bunch of thank you letters about how much I&#8217;ve helped my friend and past people of my life get through some of the toughest times in their lives. At the time, it just seemed easy to be there to listen to those people, and be the person that they could depend on. Unless things have changed since, I&#8217;m fairly sure they&#8217;re all still doing well.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I, however, am not. While I cannot put a finger on exactly what&#8217;s wrong; other than the strain of chronic depression, which happens to currently be leaning into a more severe crisis.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe it&#8217;s nostalgia coming from reading those letters, and just wishing I had a friend similar to who I was for my friends back then. I don&#8217;t know. All I can say is that this really sucks, and I don&#8217;t know what I can do to better myself right now.<\/p>\n<p>Going back to therapy is tough to do, since my time is very well used up, and I can&#8217;t afford the bills that it would dump on me.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe get back on the antidepressants? It&#8217;s a possibility, but the fear that I might make myself feel worse is scary, and I don&#8217;t want to do anything irrational.<\/p>\n<p>Get new\/more friends is an option, if my brain allowed me to have better interpersonal connections.<\/p>\n<p>I used to be able to sleep a lot of these thoughts away and be in a better mood after a good night&#8217;s rest. I can&#8217;t hardly recall the last time I felt rested. The first thing I think about each morning is how much the day is going to beat me down, and intensify the shitty feelings I&#8217;m already having, and it&#8217;s awful.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Working a job that is boring me to death, with people who don&#8217;t like me Not making enough money for the things that I want (and even some things I need) Constantly tired from some malnourishment I can&#8217;t seem to correct Ongoing paranoia and irrational thoughts about friends and family Waking up every morning with [&#038;hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-651","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloggersden.org\/blogs\/nick\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/651","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloggersden.org\/blogs\/nick\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloggersden.org\/blogs\/nick\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloggersden.org\/blogs\/nick\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloggersden.org\/blogs\/nick\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=651"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/bloggersden.org\/blogs\/nick\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/651\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":652,"href":"https:\/\/bloggersden.org\/blogs\/nick\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/651\/revisions\/652"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloggersden.org\/blogs\/nick\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=651"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloggersden.org\/blogs\/nick\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=651"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloggersden.org\/blogs\/nick\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=651"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}